“It’s when we embrace our dark and light that we learn to love ourselves. When we love our self, we can love others. Fully. Completely. ” Anonymous
I believe that to love (self and others) requires mindfulness, acts of self-compassion and a willingness to be vulnerable. That we come to loving others when we learn to love ourselves. That when we embrace the light and the dark of who we are we’re able to fully love.
It’s taken me time absorb this. To learn to love myself. Practice stillness, self-love and mindfulness. To learn that this path leads to an amazing life.
I’m learning to be in the moment. Celebrate the now. That in stillness is an abundance of action. Opening. Being. Love. That no matter what comes my way family, tribe, Universe and God have me. It’s not an easy lesson. It’s been brutally hard frankly. A theme (really) these last months. It’s not meant to be easy. I continue to do what I can, to not discount myself, to let go and fall up.
This journey has had me go inward to dark places. It’s in these dark places that cracks have opened up to grace and bathe me in light.
I’ve cried enough tears to fill an ocean. I’ve re-learned to laugh. Seen the power and joy in the beauty of a sunrise / sunset from the saddle. Celebrated the music of a child’s laugh. Run in the redwoods. Swum side-by-side in the lakes of Oregon with my twin sister, watched a storm come across the open range with my brother. Beheld dolphins gliding through the ocean at dawn. Climbed to a peak in Yosemite to view the breathtaking wonder of this amazing gift we call Earth. Embraced the birdsong singing me awake and felt the moon glow gentle me into sleep
I am reminded daily this life is amazing, filled with grace and love.
In all this I’ve come to honor that my hardest journey the last year (s) has been coming to terms with the knowledge that two people I loved with my heart, soul are no longer present in my life. I’ve done the work and said my Goodbye (s). Both fill me with memories that have dark and light to them, but it’s the light that fills my soul, always. I have owned they are simply – of my heart. Both gifted me with lessons of love that brought me to love of self and the strength to love unconditionally. There is another such love left in me. It is enough.
I’ve worked through trauma, pain and fears that have built over the years. Come through to the other side. I have few too no regrets. I’ve given so many things in my life my all. Some of them didn’t work out. Others did. Amazingly so. This is the balance of light and dark. Of the Universe opening me up for new. Love. Life. Mindfulness. That it takes Courage to live a loving, mindful life.
There is a balance.
This life, tribe, family and friends have shown me who has shown up, consistently the last 20+ years and the last 18 months. Thank you.
It’s with gratitude that I wake up each day realizing that each small act, thought sent my way is one of mindfulness. Love Value. Being seen. Reminding me that I’m part of something more.
We can and do come through to the other side.
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. Thank you. Know that each of you is a reminder for me to show up to be a better, more rounded me. For you, for me. That when I show up for all, that it’s from love and my heart, always.
I’m blessed to be on this path to an amazing life, adventure with all of you.
“Keep your face to the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.” Walt Whitman
I’m at a pause in life. I was downsized a little while ago. Some of you know this. Many of you do not. Now you do. It’s hard to say that publicly. Which is why I’m saying it. Because it’s hard. Uncomfortable. There have been ups and downs (to put it lightly).
It’s also been a time of fierce grace and kindness.
It’s brought forward (manifested) people that humble me each day with generosity and love. It’s been a beautiful reminder as I live This Life of how I would like to continue to interact and live my life.
It occurred to me yesterday that it’s the not knowing that’s been the hardest.
I’ve been stressing out about things I can’t control. About needing to know. In truth, I don’t really need to know. I just want to know.
The not knowing is quietly (and not so quietly) teaching me to lay it all down. To look at, asses, ask myself… What do I want to pick up and carry? What do I want to let go of?
It’s slowly (and brutally) reminding me and teaching me to see and experience that this life (for me) is one that is shaped, lived in gratitude, heart, courage, faith and love. In self, others and the Universe. Always beautiful. Something I sometimes forget.
I’m learning to ask – will you let me know? A small, subtle shift that I believe (hope) will allow for unfolding as it’s meant to be instead of me pushing. (Which I’ve been known to do).
I don’t know what the future holds. I’ve moved forward into some clarity. I have a very broad plan. It’s scary as hell. Mostly because beyond that I just don’t know. That. is. O.K.
I’m meant to keep unfolding. To keep asking for help. To keep turning over rocks. To not discount myself. To flow with the rhythms of what is emerging. To grow. To practice gratitude, courage, faith and love. Daily.
I’m learning that letting go, asking and letting it unfold are practices, much like unconditional love, forgiveness. I’ll be working with them for the duration of This Life. This feels good in both my heart and head.
Through it all I keep looping back to this…
Family. Tribe. Friends. Creating. Making. Being. Courage. Faith. Gratitude. Love. Heart.
I’m good. It’s been a work in progress.
It is enough.
PS: The photos are from this weekend. One for each day starting Friday. In all my years of taking photos for my Through The Lens series I’ve never taken one, let alone a series of photos with light, energy and grace streaking through them. All my photos are taken on my iPhone and are unfiltered. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.